we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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