I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How drunk are you?
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