Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My friends, they love my intelligence
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Randomize
Follow @tfln