Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
