Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate all girls vehemently.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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