Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
