Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
