I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
