I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
