Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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