Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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