paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need water and some morals
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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