I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize