I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
