i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
