I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
