We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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