But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
