I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize