I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
