I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
