Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
