my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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