someone get that fucking seahorse.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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