is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
