She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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