3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
