Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
