He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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