I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
