girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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