eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
