Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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