i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
