Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
