we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize