just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
