Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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