I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
