ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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