Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I understand Curling. That high.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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