and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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