Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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