I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
