Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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