Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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