Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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