So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
