Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
