i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
