I look better un-naked...
In America we eat man semen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
