My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
