i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
