To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
