It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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