After last night, I could never be a politician.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
