Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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