I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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