Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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