I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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