Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
